Why do people marry bridezillas

Brooklyn-based writer Ester Bloom wrote about going to the mikvah, a traditional ritual bath taken by brides, before her wedding even though she was by no means Orthodox. But she found that "the idea of a ritual to help me calm down and focus on what I was about to do seemed appealing. Perhaps the patina of selfishness that is seemingly justified in the moment by the feeling of "It's my day" is really an excuse to insist on having it your way, a sort of childhood last hurrah.

And who wouldn't want a last go-around with unrepentant, puerile me-centrism? But if we believe that marriage is a step toward full adulthood—and that adulthood is a developmental stage defined by becoming less self-centered—shouldn't the messaging surrounding the wedding reflect that? Why are our values about marriage, chief among which is compromise, and the "my way or the highway" values of the wedding so in tension?

No wonder so many brides talk about post-wedding depression. It's the cold, hard shock of the "post-me" marriage setting in. For us post-religious Americans and those in China and Brazil who are just getting their first whiff of Western wedding mania , awareness may come slowly, but it does seem graspable. Thinking of the wedding from the parents' perspective is one way to snap out of our collective me-wedding groupthink. Just ask John Dickerson, an editor at Slate. Seventeen years later, he regrets it and penned a mea culpa—a call to arms for future brides and grooms to "grow up and deal with it" and let their parents have their way with the guest list.

Dickerson's flip on the issue came while thinking about his own son's wedding, even though the boy is 10 years old. Dickerson hopes his son will do as he says and not as he did. As Dickerson thought about future generations and what a wedding is really about, a public affirmation of love, he came around to the vision of the wedding that wasn't just about him and his bride. It's also the generous thing to do. Thinking from the parents' perspective is one way to snap out of our collective me-wedding groupthink.

My own realization that my wedding wasn't about me came later, but not as late as Dickerson's; sadly, it was due in part to personal tragedy. For me, I hemmed and hawed about having my dad walk me down the aisle. I wasn't sure if he deserved to do it because of old wounds and scars and feeling torn between my dad and my stepfather, with whom I am very close. There were some ugly and heated conversations. It's life, right? Life is messy. Or so I always thought, until about a week before my wedding , at which point I turned into a demon from hell.

There I was: a sleep-deprived young woman who hadn't eaten in three weeks, standing in her parents' kitchen with an enormous three-ring binder in her hands, screaming at her half-asleep year-old college-student sister for not having gotten up before dawn to write out place cards. Actually, what I need right now is a maid of honor who gives a shit about me and my wedding.

A shouting match ensued. She was a lazy, self-involved child, according to me. I was a psychotic, self-involved bitch, according to her. Doors were slammed. Tears were shed. I remember thinking I was surrounded by the most selfish people in the world. I remember thinking nobody understood me. I have become the Bride from Hell. Movies have been made about her. Reality shows have trained their cameras on her mascara-streaked face and been rewarded with stellar ratings.

And it would all be very funny, if it were just Kim Kardashian and the big-haired Jersey drama queens who went bananas over their weddings. But it wasn't just to make sure they were mentally stable. Porsha said they wanted to see if you were at least a little bit crazy to provide the viewers with entertainment. They also had a full medical review complete with blood work. With a name like Bridezillas , the show's directive should have been clear.

But not all brides saw it that way. Season two bride Julia Swinton-Williamson sued the producers for misleading her about the nature of the show.

The lawsuit was thrown out in , but she wasn't the only bride who felt duped. Porsha from season one has befriended many of the former Zillas who are furious about their portrayal on the show. Porsha said she knew the show was going to make her look crazy — as part of her contract, she was required to watch all previous episodes of the show. But she said she didn't care, because Bridezillas are meant to be controlling and demanding.

She claims she was pretty happy about her episode, and said she was the highest rated Zilla. Melissa from season seven was also happy with her episode stating "I liked mine as well. It was funny! Many viewers wondered why a woman would sign up for a show that was aimed at portraying her as a psychotic wedding beast.

For some, it was the 15 minutes of fame and the connections they'd make in show biz, but for others it was the compensation. Brides had to already have their weddings paid for, but they were reimbursed for food, clothes and were given compensation for their time during filming. Porsha said they were paid for Boot Camp as well, getting paid the first day they arrived in the house and the last day of filming. She also cashed in on the reunion show and the Where Are They Now segments.

For some Bridezillas, the 15 minutes of fame was fleeting. But for others, the viewers needed more. Melissa from season seven said she was contacted to be on The Bachelor , but she had to tell them no because she was, in fact, still married to her husband Chris. Porsha did her video blog, Porsha's Recap , for WE tv, and she was contacted by The Biggest Loser , but couldn't join the show because she was pregnant with her daughter at the time.

She also filmed for her own show, but stopped because she was so sick during her pregnancy. Porsha told me she wouldn't want her daughter to follow in her reality television footsteps because she should follow her own dreams. Bridezillas might be classified as reality television, but the brides from the show say it wasn't completely real.

Brides were routinely asked to do things over again "with more drama," said Melissa from season seven.

Porsha said filming for Bridezillas was exhausting. There is a whole group on the forum Reddit devoted to tales of so-called bridezillas. Newspapers devour them like a slice of naked wedding cake. Another post related how a woman had tried to force her fiance to get a second job to fund their wedding. Earlier this year was the story of the bride-to-be who asked her pregnant bridesmaid to consider having an abortion so as not to complicate the dress fittings, and the bride who forced her friends to take a polygraph test.

She wanted to find out which one of them had leaked details of her planned dress code, in which colours were allocated according to weight. Only recently, he says, he took a bride-to-be to one side and asked her to stop being so rude to his suppliers. When he talks to other people in the industry, they do share stories of overly-demanding brides, though he adds it has become such a well-worn — and feared — stereotype that the bridezilla has started to die out.